A faint tingle keeps me up at night…
It’s 3:02 AM here in the Western Hemisphere, Eastern Seaboard. in a haze. Its now the first day of 2012. The year we are all supposedly going to meet our cosmic end. Either way, I came into the new year once again by way of solitary confinement. 2011 was a virtually nondescript year for me. Of course with the exception of several unfortunate anomalies along the way. I don’t want to even mention the summer. The summer came and burned as always. It created its own isolation, more dystopian than idyllic. Little progress was made in those months. It wasn’t until halfway through I experienced my revelation. It broke more ground than I had ever imagined.
What will 2012 be like? I always wish I could see the future. Who doesn’t? We wish for a happy new year, but then it manages to deteriorate into something else. Broken resolutions. Lost tempers. Forgotten diets. Unclaimed gift cards. Such is life isn’t it? Isn’t that how it should be?
I met a lot of interesting people in 2011. A lot of assholes, too.
Then I started thinking. If I had the chance to disappear from this realm into that of another I would do it. I would forget all the people that I ever knew. Everyone that I ever hurt, everyone that ever disappointed me, everyone that ever brought me joy (and sadness), everyone that ever criticized me, everyone that was ever under the uncomfortable microscope of my inquisitive demeanor, I would forget them all. That would mean that I would cease to exist.
The new year is supposed to bring change. I doubt I will be able to fully change and progress unless I move from my current location. I need a breath of fresh air. A change in surrounding. Something to break up the monotony. However, I can’t do that just yet. Not just yet. And it frustrates me. So for now I am drifting. Doing all the right things. Making all the right moves. Taking the right steps. Yet still..
I just hope someone comes along and gives me a firm kick in the pants one of these days.
Because I sure as hell need it.